Telemarketers
by Trevor Turk
Nate, this one is for you: How To Make A Telemarketer Cry (or, Suing Bozos for Fun & Profit)
My diabolical scheme worked like a charm. On the Saturday before the hearing my phone rang, and when I picked up it was ARS asking for me. Instead of being obnoxious and accusatory, he was surprisingly sheepish and apologetic. He explained that his secretary had misprogrammed the dialer, causing it to dial out too early in the morning. (Naturally, I pointed out to him that placing unsolicited pre-recorded calls to a residence is illegal at all times of day.) Most importantly, though, he asked if we couldn’t just settle the case by having him pay me $500.
Advertisement
Excellent…now we just wait for one to call…
This line is always fun to use with telemarketers…
me: "Excuse me, is telemarketing your primary means of reaching your target consumer group?"
telemarketer: "Uh, I think so."
me: "Well did you know that there are currently 85 million hosts on the internet and that number is growing every day. For a $49.95 setup fee and just $19.95 a month I can set you up with a web site which can potentially market your product or service to each and every one of them…"